just some thoughts

Well, my Intro to Lit class is doing to me what I've always wanted to happen to me. To stimulate my thoughts. To provoke me to think beyond what I know. Little did I know it would scare me half to death. There are two guys in my class which seem to know something about... everything. One in particular who sounds so extremely intelligent in everything that comes out of his mouth. I just sit there with my mouth open and he just pours out this knowledge. I find myself being fascinated. I marvel at all the knowledge in the world. I don't consider myself a very smart person. School has never been a very high priority to me. Relationships have always come first, which has honestly really affected my grades in the past. I find myself wanting to know many things about numerous topics, but I also don't have the desire to throw myself into studying and research and staying up to date on current events such as politics or world issues. I would much rather just sit down and have a heart-to-heart with one of the people that do that. I want to know their background, the experiences they've been through, their past, and their hopeful future. I watch people and I analyze people until they pretty much can't be analyzed anymore. This has often become a detriment because I find myself forming opinions and judging them before I really know them. I tell myself to never trust first impressions because they're often extremely far off.
And when it comes down to it... all the knowledge in the world isn't going to stand. It won't save you, it won't affect your personal relationship with Jesus Christ, which is all that really matters, right? Even my investment in relationships won't last forever. On Judgment Day, when all is said and done, all that matters is me and Jesus. Did I live for Him? Did I try to bring others to know Him? Or did I spend my life wishing I was like someone else? Wishing I looked different, thought different, acted different. There's so much more to life than I feel like I've ever been exposed to. And so much I won't experience in my short life here on earth. But, I don't have to worry about that. That's why we were all created differently. God didn't want us all to be clones. And as much as I wish I could change my personality sometimes, He made me how I am for some reason. And it's for His glory. He doesn't make mistakes. He made me just how I am to glorify His kingdom. That's it. What an amazing thought.
OK, I apologize for all the rambling. This entry was more for me than anyone else reading. There is so much going on inside my head right now and I always find a pen or keyboard can help me organize it a little bit better. Hope it made sense.
Keep looking up! <><