my road

Well, hello, blogging world

2008-12-15T10:17:00.003-06:00

So, I thought I would post another post. After almost exactly one year since my last post. Wow. :) I used to blog quite a bit. It's an excellent place to write feelings and happenings. I don't know if anyone will even see that I posted a new post since nobody has probably checked this in about a year. Oh well.

I guess not too much has happened since my last post... other than I got married to my bestest friend. :) Let's see... what else? I have two beautiful new nephews, Trace and Carson. Two new brothers in law, Tim and Logan. Other than that... not a lot I guess. I graduate from ISU in five months! :) And just learning to trust my Saviour more each day.

I guess for now, that's it. It feels good to be back in the blogging world. It's been a while. :)

in love

2007-12-12T15:19:00.000-06:00

A man has entered my life since my last post on my blog. A man who has been in my life for about six plus years but has become very, very special to me over the last five or six months.

This is me and Tommy. My best friend.

The Lord definitely knew what He was doing when He brought Tommy into my life to be my husband. Tommy is exactly the right person for me. He loves me unconditionally, is so patient with me, and thinks I'm beautiful (I know, right?!).

Never did I think I would be so blessed to have such an amazing man to share life's journey with. Tommy has blessed me in ways that are so indescribable. He points me toward God and his passion for the Lord makes me more passionate for God. His consistent kindness, patience, and listening ear have been exactly what this emotional, sensitive, soft-hearted mess needs. :)

I never liked the term soul mate. I always thought of Plato's myth of two people wandering the earth looking for their 'other half' and the thought that only one person can ever fill you. However, we read a beautiful Christian book on marriage and the last chapter asked, "Are you and your mate soul mates?" It covered how we are to become "soul mates" with our spouse. Our souls are to be joined as one in Christ. So, Tommy and I are soul mates. We are soul mates in Christ. I've never been as close to someone as I am to Tommy. Nobody knows me as well emotionally, mentally, or spiritually.

Engagement hasn't been a walk in the park, just ask Tommy. :) I sure haven't made parts of it entirely easy on him. But his patience and love for me have made this journey so much more beautiful. And the tears we've cried together have brought us so much closer.

Every day I find more and more reasons to love, respect, and appreciate him. I hope and pray that he feels the love from me that I feel from him. There is no one else I would want to spend the rest of my life growing old with, laughing and loving our way through the years.

On January 13th, we will become one in marriage and complete what God started years ago. Although marriage is a little intimidating at times... I know it will be beautiful because God planned it. Yes, there will be good times and hard times, but I am embarking on this journey with the two men I trust and love most in the world, my God and my soul mate.

Looking Heavenward

2007-02-01T10:46:00.000-06:00

This morning I woke up and looked out my window. Snow covered the cars. Shucks. Scraping and cold.

So I bundled up in my layers, threw on my stocking cap, grabbed my backpack and stepped outside. Much to my amazement, it wasn't near as cold as I thought it would be. And the snowflakes falling were so big you could see each individual one. Their beauty astounded me. As I walked to my car, I thanked God for each snowflake. And how He made each one so unique and individual.

Then I thanked Him for making me individual. And even though I feel like I get lost in this big ol' world among the many names and faces of those around me, He still remembers me. He thinks of me each moment. He hurts when I cry and laughs when I laugh.

I am unique in the eyes of my Lord. And just like His snowflakes, I am an amazing creation.

My God is so good.

God Bless you all! Thank you for being unique and special in my life. You are all beautiful creations.

Standing in Awe

2006-12-14T00:17:00.000-06:00

So... today I got to experience a miracle.

I saw a baby be born. A beautiful little girl named Alexandra was born to one of my good friends and I was blessed enough to be able to watch and talk to my friend throughout the process.

I really thought I wouldn't be able to handle it. But instead of getting nervous or sick, I found myself filling up with tears. I found myself falling in love with the miracle of birth, falling in love with my awesome God all over again. I fell in love with His attention to detail. She had a beautiful head of black hair. Ten perfect little toes and ten perfect little fingers.

I felt so wrapped in the arms of Jesus today. It was like He was whispering, "Natalie, I'm here and I'm so very real. Look at what I've created, look what I've given the world."

Praise the Lord. My God is so Good.

about that blogging thing...

2006-11-12T21:56:00.000-06:00

Been a while.

Lots of stuff has been happening lately. God's definitely been working, I can feel it. Do you ever feel like God is trying to teach you something, but you're just not sure what it is? All you know is that it's something big because you wouldn't be feeling the way you're feeling if it wasn't God. Hm... does that make sense?

I was in Schaumburg this weekend with my sisters, my mom, and my nephew. We went shopping. Good times with the girls. (And Landon) I've definitely been learning the importance of family lately. No matter how hard I fall or what kind of questions I have, they're there. Waiting for me to come home and spill my guts about a hard class or a friend who's let me down. I thank God for a family who loves the Lord!

Know what song I've recently come to love? "Great is Thy Faithfulness". Powerful words that speak straight to your heart til the message goes to your head that He really, really is faithful. Regardless of how I feel, my God is faithful. When I don't feel His presence, God is faithful. When all I see in the world around me is sin and darkness, my God is faithful. When I'm crawling through the valley or jumping along the mountaintops, my God is faithful.

Do you ever feel like you expect someone to meet you halfway in a relationship? You expect to give and take from a relationship, right? You don't want to be giving the whole time and you know you shouldn't be taking the whole time either. Well, my God loves me. And I feel like I'm just at the brink of the beginning of falling in love with Him. He's loved me before I even knew what love was (not that I really know much now). He's gone the entire way the whole time. He knows I'll never be able to love Him or serve Him in return to the amount He really deserves. But He sincerely and patiently asks me to try. At least to the very best of my ability and with my whole heart. He's been teaching me about what it really means to fall in love with Him and serve Him without reservation. No fear; just simple trust.

Praise God for all He has done, is doing, and will continue to do in the future! How matchless are His ways!

What an Honor it is to Serve my King

My Prayer

2006-10-15T16:09:00.000-05:00

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

...

2006-09-21T11:46:00.000-05:00

I thought I needed a new post... but I got nothin'. I guess I've been learning a lot lately. I think I've summed it up.

God is good.
God is love.
God is grace.

Not much more to say.

God Bless

Because He lives
-me-

Blue Skies

2006-09-05T14:44:00.000-05:00

So last night I was awoken (as I'm sure some of you were) to a thundering crash outside my window. Huge storm last night. Lightning, thunder, pouring rain, the works.

Then this afternoon has been gorgeous. You can't even tell there was a storm last night.

Kinda like life. Clouds and storms come. But if you can learn to wait them out... you might see God has something so much better just up ahead.

Psalm 27:14 Wait on the Lord, be of good courage and He shall strengthen thine heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord.

Late nights, Early mornings

2006-08-25T01:08:00.000-05:00

I really shouldn't be posting. I should be reading my Bible and then curling up with Buddy and falling asleep. (Buddy is my stuffed elephant I sleep with. He's very cuddly.)

Another school year. Back at good ol' Heartland. Already had some exciting experiences in my classes. I think it will be a good semester. Except I think I have the most boring professor that works at Heartland for my World Religions class. But Shane and I have that together, so at least we can lament together over how boring her teaching methods are.

And I'm really excited about my living arrangements. Once again, God placed me with amazing girls. New ones, and although it was really hard to let my last ones go, these girls are awesome as well. Marcy, Bethany, and Landre'. It'll be a great year.

I have an 8:00 class four days a week. It's not fun. I'm not used to that. And unfortunately, I'm used to staying up late... so that doesn't work out so well when my phone alarm goes off. Hey, if anybody has an extra alarm clock that they don't use and want to get rid of, I'd be more than willing to take it off your hands! I really need one, but I keep forgetting to buy one. And I don't know where last year's one is. Probably buried somewhere in my room at home.

Well, that's a little update on me. Things are going pretty well. Been learnin' a lot. The Lord is definitely shakin' and movin' which I really wanted Him to do. Just didn't know He would do so much at one time! That's alright, He never takes you through something He doesn't want you to learn something from, right? :)

Falling on my knees
-Natalie-

-darting eyes-

2006-08-15T20:40:00.000-05:00

So... school starts on Thursday. Yes, Thursday. Way before anybody else. Heartland rocks. So this is kinda like my last night of freedom. And, I'm at home with my family. Which is alright, they make me smile and I can wear pajamas all night. Tomorrow I'm going to Roanoke to be with Angie. We're going to swim in her aunt and uncle's pool. All these sentences are choppy.

Do you ever feel like you have so much to say but not the words to say them? Or like all you need to do is sit and talk with someone and not be interrupted but just pour out a million different words, hoping they make sense? I feel like I've been having so many new experiences with some of my relationships with friends and co-workers. I've been learning and experiencing things at work that I've never been exposed to before that I'd like to talk about. And God has been doing some crazy things lately in my life and in the lives of people around me and I just need to... talk about it all!

But it would be one of those conversations that wouldn't make any sense and would be extremely boring. Because it would mostly be myself rambling about nothing. Which can get pretty dangerous. Seriously, falling boulders and freak storms.

My mom comes in pretty handy when it comes to these kinds of conversations. Sometimes we just lay up on her bed or the couches and talk for an hour or two. She has become my best friend who knows me better than anbody. It's pretty cool because I used to be scared to tell her anything. But that's when I didn't want her to know what was going on in my life. I finally realized she doesn't have to be an enemy and she was young once too. And if you're a Christian, you know, there's nobody else better to go to than to Jesus. And I do. I tell Him everything as well. But ya know how you just need somebody physically there? I guess the next best thing is somebody who reflects His image, which is what my mom does.

So about that whole 'I tend to ramble' thing... heh.
Anywayz, don't think that I'm trying to sound depressing. All is well, I just needed a new post and thought I'd type some stuff that was on my mind. This wasn't meant to be a downer post. :) Hope you're all having beautiful days.

God Bless ya'll

My Exciting Tuesday

2006-08-01T22:34:00.000-05:00

Today I remembered why I don't enjoy dentist visits.

I got two fillings redone... I think. I really don't know what they were doing in there. All I know is that they numbed the entire right side of my face. But not the tastebuds so I could still taste the natsiness they put in my mouth. I also know that smoke came out of my mouth when he ran the drill thing. And that when I spit into the little bowl, I couldn't spit because I couldn't feel. And the spit just hung there outside of my mouth, a long string. If anybody's ever seen "Bill Cosby, Himself", you know exactly what I'm talking about.

I told them when they turned their little machines on, "Now don't hurt me, ok? And I have a pretty weak gag reflex, so sorry if I..." and then I made the throw-up look on my face. Poor Dr. and his assistant. Probably completely freaked them out. They asked me kindly not to throw up my breakfast on them (although I hadn't eaten breakfast).

So... then I leave the dentist. Face completely numb and looking like an idiot. I laugh all the way to my car and for five minutes in my car just thinking about it and how ridiculous I feel like I look. Even though it looked fairly normal and my cheek wasn't sliding off my face like I thought it was. So I turned on some tunes and tried to sing the numbness away. Even my RK and MxPx boys couldn't shake the feeling.

I had to watch myself put on chapstick to make sure it went on my lips instead of my chin. And I had to wipe away some drool when I took a drink. And! I could taste the nasty goop in my mouth at the dentist but not the popcorn when my co-worker made some mid-morning. Every patient I checked in at work today probably thought I was a moron. I felt like only half my face was smiling and I couldn't say certain words like "birthday".

The feeling didn't leave me until around noon, so I was fairly normal (as normal as I get) with all the patients in the afternoon. But ya know what I think? Sometimes I think dentists just try to suck the money out of us. Our teeth can decay, ya know without the world coming to an end. Hey! The world survived for a long time with dentists! If any of you are planning on becoming dentists, just let mine decay!

So... that is pretty much the exciting part of my day. Well, and then tonight Landon came to see me, so that was exciting too. :) I just thought I needed to update so that the world wide web could know the latest happenings in my life.

God Bless ya'll

Have Thine Own Way

2006-07-19T13:54:00.000-05:00

Another song I've come to love...

Have Thine own way, Lord
Have Thine own Way
Thou art the Potter; I am the clay
Mold me and make me after Thy will
While I am waiting, yielded and still.

Have Thine own way, Lord
Have Thine own way
Search me and try me, Master, today
Whiter than snow, Lord, wash me just now,
As in Thy presence, humbly I bow.

Have Thine own way, Lord
Have Thine own way
Wounded and weary, help me, I pray
Power, all power, surely is Thine
Touch me and heal me, Savior divine.

Have Thine own way, Lord
Have Thine own way
Hold o'er my being absolute sway
Fill with Thy Spirit till all shall see
Christ only, always, living in me.

May this be our prayer day in and day out.

Because I know He lives

-Me-

Bundle of Joy

2006-07-13T13:00:00.000-05:00

So, I met this really cute guy on Sunday...

Meet Landon Michael, my sister and brother-in-law's baby.

He's not even mine and it's incredible how much I love him already, and we just met. Funny how God does that, has you love somebody who doesn't know you yet and can't communicate with you. We're very excited and thankful in my house for our little blessing from heaven. I know if you meet him, you'll fall for him too, he's beautiful.

Thanking God for each and every blessing, especially my new nephew who's oh, so cute. :)

-Me-

Blessed be Your Name

2006-07-07T16:01:00.000-05:00

I love this song.

"Blessed be Your Name" by Tree 63

Blessed be Your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out,
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name, Jesus
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out,
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name, Jesus
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say Lord,
Blessed be Your name

Lord, when I don't know what to do, Blessed be Your name. When I'm confused and alone, Blessed be Your name. When I don't know what the future holds, Blessed be Your name. On my best and my worst days, Lord, Blessed be Your name.

So very blessed and thanking God for another day of service

-Me-

All Smiles

2006-06-24T18:31:00.000-05:00

I will praise Thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are Thy works: and that my soul knoweth right well.

How precious also are Thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!

Psalm 139:14&17

I love these verses. I just get kinda... warm and fuzzy when I read them. They bring a smile to my face. We're all searching for security and love. Try to think of these verses everytime you feel insecure or lonely. Incredible comfort.

What beautiful words, I can't wait to meet David in heaven and talk to him about his writing styles. He uses such description and knows just how to say it so that thousands of years later we'd still read it and go, 'Wow' or 'Yeah, David, that's exactly how I'm feeling!'

Know what else I love about these verses? That there's exclamation points in the Bible! That just... makes me smile for some reason. David was fired up! How GREAT is the sum of God's thoughts toward us!

Alright, well in the words of Amber Greenbank, I hope you're all having a beautiful day! Shine Bright!

God Bless!

Lovin' ya'll
-Natalie-

Leavin' on a Jet Plane

2006-05-29T20:55:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to let you all know thanks for the prayers while we were in Jamaica. We had an awesome trip. I was very blessed to have been able to go.

I wish I could read all your blogs and see how your lives are going. But I'm leaving again in the morning real early and I still need to pack. Hope you all are doing well and that you are finding joy in each day. Keep looking up and shining bright!

God Bless and I love you all very much!

-Natalie-

Hmm

2006-05-15T23:42:00.000-05:00

Well, I wish I had something brilliant to say tonight, something inspiring, or even in the slightest way... interesting. But alas, nothing is coming. No good quote, no deep thought, just me rambling. I hadn't posted in a while and I'm avoiding finishing my paper and presentation.

Today I had a Biology final that I think actually went remarkably well because she gave us all our quizzes and the answers so we just had to memorize that.

Then I went to work and got to be with lots of women. For all you future husbands/fathers out there, I encourage you to go with your wife to her OB appointments when she's pregnant. It's just different when the father is there, especially if he's the husband. It means a lot to the mother to have support and to not have to face the beautiful but scary time of pregnancy alone. It's such a blessing for the father to be there and to be able to see the baby's sonograms and progress and support his girlfriend/wife.

Then I drove to Peoria to be with Ashley and Kelsey which took... a lot longer than it should have. Exactly how long should it take to get to Peoria from Bloomington? I am possibly the worst person with directions ever. I am constantly getting lost and couldn't tell you which direction is North, East, South, or West if you paid me. I am forever calling people, screaming at them and getting frustrated because I haven't the slightest clue where I am or where I'm going. Such was the case with Neal today when I was yelling at him because I had no idea which way North was. He and my mom are always very patient with me though and can always help me get back where I'm going. So... I did end up calling Neal back later after I finally made it to where I was going and apologized.

Speaking of my mom, Mother's Day was excellent. After church, Hols and Will and Candice and Michael came out and we all had a huge supper followed by presents. And I totally won on best card this year. (Judged by the amount of sighs and tears and pauses because she'll choke on tears if she keeps reading aloud) Then we watched home videos, which was lots of fun. It's fun to see how stupid and crazy the four of us were. And how you can see our distinctly different personalities when we were so young. Before real life drama, before husbands, before all that. My sisters hold my favorite memories and so much of my love is completely wrapped up in them. Family is such a blessing and I thank God for blessing me with such a great one.

Yeah, so the next few weeks are going to be pretty crazy. I leave Thursday night for Jamaica, come home and leave for Florida with my family three days later. I come home from there and have Girls' Camp the next day for five days. The day after Girls' Camp I leave for Florida with Ashley and Kelsey. This is all Lord willing, of course. I think I'll definitely be ready for home after I'm all done but I'm excited. They are all great opportunities that I'm looking forward to and am blessed to be able to do. And somewhere in there, I turn 19! Possibly the most boring birthday of one's young adult life, but that's OK. :) Each day is one more day closer to heaven.

OK, well this post is a lot longer than I thought it would be. Congratulations if you made it to the end without getting so bored that you quit. :) Hope you are all having stupendous days. God Bless!

Lovin' ya'll

Quote

2006-05-08T00:13:00.000-05:00

Natalie, you definitely need to read my paper. It's really, really good.

Me: Well, at least you're humble about it.

-pause- Wait, did that sound proud? I'm sorry. I'm so much better than that.

Me: -raises one eyebrow then laughs-

A. Kelsey
B. Justin
C. Wendy
D. Kaitlyn

Engaged Bliss

2006-05-02T22:16:00.000-05:00

New quote: "I love Nathan Hodel and I want to marry him on July 16th." (paraphrased)

A. Natalie
B. Kelsey
C. Ashley
D. Stalker girl who wants to kill Ashley

If you guessed C, you are correct! Sorry, this week was just too easy. Here's to the happy couple.

Love you guys and God Bless!

Quotes

2006-04-21T17:39:00.000-05:00

Taryn inspired an idea with her last post. I'm going to be putting funny quotes I hear people say. Your job is to guess who said it. Ready for today's?

"I'm 100% 50/50."

Your choices:

A. Your mom
B. Leah Stoller
C. Angela from work
D. Martney Stickling

no more, no less

2006-04-18T22:57:00.000-05:00

So I've been studying/doing homework for hours now. I needed some distraction. So I emerged from the Nat Cave. Luckily, Reid and Becca were over and with them, Ashley and Kelsey, I was perfectly and utterly distracted from my responsibilities.

I talked to Reid about his alternative rock music presentation. I watched the very end of "The Wedding Singer". Made a bag of expired popcorn and ate it. Talked about Heartland classes with Becca. And played real life Mighty Morphin Power Rangers with Kelsey, which apparently, I'm amazing at. Probably the best part of the entire distraction time period.

Now I'm gonna do some homework. Lovin' ya'll.

My Exciting Tuesday

2006-04-11T21:40:00.000-05:00

This morning I woke up at 6:30, stumbled out of bed and headed to Justin's to pick him up for Prayer Meeting. My first one, mind you. We arrived and had a great meeting, praise and supplications were raised to the One on high. Immediately following, we journeyed next door to Will, Darrell, and Troy's place for an amazing breakfast of fruit and french toast. It was quite a blessed breakfast. The french toast was a delight.

At 9:30 I went to my Math class. Successful day. Except for some reason I kept laughing throughout class. We're split into groups and I'm in a group with a guy who always helps me out cuz I'm not very good at math and a deaf girl who has an interpreter with her. I found everything funny, which I think boosted the morale of the entire group. Much math was accomplished.

I then ventured to my Music Appreciation class. Justin and I have this class together. While walking down the hall, the following conversation occurred:
Me: Have you registered for fall classes yet?
Him: Nope, not yet
Me: Do you know what classes you're going to be taking?
Him: Natalie, that's like asking a raccoon what garbage he's going to find in the garbage can and eat.
Me: -puzzled look and then laughter the rest of the way to class probably disrupting all the classes along the way because of my high-pitched laugh-

I then drove to Dr. Gratkins to work. More like I drove to the hospital and walked to the office. Anywayz... They want me to start doing more hours... like a lot more hours. Like come in three days a week! I know, crazy. But I'd be doing fun stuff like getting to work with patients instead of just mindless filing. And I'd get more money. Which is definitely a delight.

I then came back to my apartment and waited for Will to come pick me up to go tutor the kids we tutor every week. Me, Ashley, Will, Justin, and Prevo all learned about protecting yourself from harmful drug poisons in your home. We learned the difference between windshield wiper fluid and mouthwash. It was actually quite educating.

Then Reid came over and brought us some dessert from work. He works at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. He is definitely a blessing in my life and we've become much closer since his new job. Then Kelsey and I watched "America's Funniest Home Videos". I used to hate this show and thought it was so corny. Now I can't stop laughing when I watch it. You seriously can not get better entertainment. I don't know if I was cooler back then and thought only really funny things were funny and now I'm a loser who is really boring. I think what it is though is that I went through a stage where only cool things were funny and AFV was just not funny. Now I'm comfortable enough with myself to laugh when I want to as loud as I want to. Yeah, that must be it.

Then Kelsey convinced me to work out with her. She's so sweet, she always asks if I want to come, and I usually tell her no. But tonight I had absolutely no excuse, so I went. We took my radio with my girls' CD in it totally ready to jam out to some awesome tunes. We walk in and there's three HUGE guys in there lifting. -We sighed heavy sighs-
Me: You guys mind if we turn on some music?
Them: No, that sounds great.
I turn on some country. They looked like the country-music-loving type boys.
We work out for a while. Well, Kelsey does most of the working out. I usually just wander around the weight room looking at the weights and treadmill, but I couldn't tonight. I had to do something cuz there were other people there.
I grow frustrated and want my music.
Me: You guys mind if I put in my CD?
Them: No, that's cool.
Me and Kelsey: It's kinda a girl mix. Well, actually a lot girl mix.
Them: Um... I guess that's OK.
Me: It's really motivating.
They didn't get out another word before "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper was blaring from my radio. I jump back on the treadmill and start off again, totally happy.
Them: You're right. This makes this so much easier.
Me: -smile- Yep.
Needless to say, they only made it through one round of Cyndi Lauper and halfway through Shania Twain's "Man! I Feel Like a Woman"
And they departed.

Wow, this is a long post. All in all, it was a good day. The Lord is good, the Lord is merciful, and I'm sure the Lord likes to laugh right along with me. Which makes me happy to think about.

Hope you all had good days as well! God Bless

Lovin' ya'll

Inventory

2006-04-07T09:47:00.000-05:00

When every December rolls around and Dad always asks me the same question. Not, "What do you want for Christmas, Natalie?" It's, "Natalie, are you gonna be able to help with inventory over break?"

I know if I say yes, I'm going to have to be in Pontiac every morning at 7:30, and that thought just makes me sick to my stomach. If I say no, he's going to ask what else I'm doing. And my response will have to be... "Um, sleeping?" And then he gives me the, "Oh, Natalie. You're probably the least reponsible and hardest to get out of bed of all my kids," look. And then I feel bad and end up doing it.

So I show up in Pontiac, half asleep with my nasty jeans and CASE IH shirt on. I get paired up with one of the guys that work there and we go to work. We switch on and off reading serial numbers to each other while the other flips through stacks of papers, looking for the item.

"A1890374".

"Yep, how many?" he asks.

"Five."

Sometimes it's the right amount, other times it's more like 50. We throw the wrong items into a bin and the guys figure it out later. It's usually not so bad, depending on which employee I get to work with. Jack who keeps me laughing or Mike with no personality. When we get back into the dusty bottom shelves of the last row in the back of the service department, things get pretty icky. Parts for tractors that probably don't even run anymore. But we still have to take inventory on them.

As I was thinking of taking inventory lately, I was thinking of the inventory of my heart. What items do I have in there? Pride, bitterness, jealousy? Or love, forgiveness, and joy? Would I be embarrassed if somebody took inventory on my heart and they had to read off, "Resentment"?
How many would they get if they read off "Grudges" compared to "Acts of Kindness"?

What items are hid in the corners of my heart that nobody can see but me and Jesus? What items are in there that should be thrown in the bin? They can sit for years (or in the case of inventory, one year) but eventually, God will take inventory on my heart. To see what's inside and what's not.

So I challenge you and I to take inventory on our hearts in the next week or so. Really examine what you have in there, not just what other people see because it's so easy to hide or cover up our shortcomings. We are to be like Christ, not just spiritually "good enough" to get by.

Hope you all have wonderful weekends. God Bless!

Love ya'll.

Kelsey Lynn

2006-03-27T21:18:00.000-06:00

Allow me to introduce to another significant young woman in my life...

Kelsey Lynn Zehr

Now please don't let this attractive picture distract you from all of her good qualities that are on the inside.

Let me share some reasons why I LOVE Kelsey Zehr.

Nothing is more important to her than her Christian walk.

She laughs at all my jokes. (very important)

She sleeps with a stuffed animal as well. Dear, sweet Puffalump.

She likes to rub pieces of fabric in between her fingers because "it feels so good".

She talks to me on MSN while we're five feet from eachother.

She's the easiest person to laugh with and once we get going, there is no telling when we'll stop.

She's very clean and almost inspires me to be clean myself.

She gives excellent feedback when I need a second opinion.

She's got the sweetest wardrobe and if her clothes fit me, she'd be more than willing to let me borrow them.

When she talks about Hossenfeffer, her bunny, her face gets scrunched up and she can't stop smiling.

These only outline a few simple things that make Kelsey so special. She is an incredible person with an amazing heart for the Lord and a personality to lift your spirits and make you smile. I thank God for blessing my life with her presence and would also highly recommend her friendship.

As you can see, I was blessed with amazing girls this year to live with. I really didn't deserve to find such faithful friends who I love so much, but I praise God for them.

Ashley Jo

2006-03-21T17:46:00.000-06:00

This post is dedicated to a very lovely person in my life. May I introduce...

Ashley Jordan Kiefer

Today is her birthday, so I thought, what better day to dedicate a post to her?

These are just a few of the many reasons why I love this gal:

She loves Jesus more than anything

She's very grounded spiritually

She helps me keep my eyes on heaven and my feet on the ground

She's a great sounding board for ideas

She's basically a nurse already, or at least is always giving out drugs or providing remedies

She's an amazing cook

She can always tell when something's wrong and then waits to hear what it is

She says things like "Bite the bullet" and "Bleeding like a stuck hog"

She lets me and Kelsey laugh at her

She drinks the same can of Mountain Dew or juice for at least three days

She showed pigs at the fair from ages 6-18 and wants to keep doing it until the day she dies

Well... I could keep going. But I would suggest you getting to know her better and finding your own reasons. She's an amazing girl with a huge heart that God just randomly dropped in my lap as a roommate and I would highly recommend her friendship.

Soon to come... Kelsey Lynn!

Meh-hee-ko

2006-03-09T22:59:00.000-06:00

Hey ya'll. Ok, so right now I'm looking at my really dirty feet. I wore my Crocs tonight, which should be really good in the rain. Until you step in mud. And the shoes you're wearing have holes all over them. It was icky. So I jumped in a big puddle to help clean them off. Which kinda helped.

Well, the real reason for this post is not to tell you about my muddy feet. (Although, I know that is pretty interesting.) It's to request your prayers for the ISU trip to Magdalena. We're leaving tomorrow at 4. Thirty-hour drive. We'll be getting back the following Saturday night. If you could mention us in your prayers, it would be greatly appreciated. Pray that it will be a God-centered trip and that we'll be able to forget all about ourselves and focus on the real purpose of being down there. Pray that we have servant hearts and can give our all for His name's sake. Thanks in advance for your prayers!

Hope you all have a very blessed week! To all of you that are going to be on Spring Break, have fun and don't think about school! To any of you that are going to Biloxi or any other trip, you'll be in our prayers. God Bless!

Lovin' ya'll.

Power Naps

2006-03-01T16:13:00.000-06:00

I have recently discovered one of my weaknesses.

Naps.

I love them. Perhaps too much. I crave them. When I'm not in the middle of one, I'm thinking about one. Even one for twenty minutes. Which is funny, cuz I used to not be able to nap in the middle of the day. And they always made me more sleepy.

Not now. I just woke up from one and I feel so warm and fuzzy inside.

I would like to shake the hand of the person who created naps.

I think I'm addicted.

Insignificance

2006-02-27T01:09:00.000-06:00

So, as I sit at my computer screen, I think. (And I do a lot of thinking at night... it's pretty much when my mind comes alive and things can sort themselves out)

I think about the past and I think about the future. I think about current friendships and relationships, my family... ya know, all that. And I realize how insignificant my life is. How utterly small I am. How in the big scheme of things, I'm a fleeting vapor (James 4:14). Blink and I'm gone.

I read a poem once called "The Dash". It was about the dash between your birthdate and the date of your death on your gravestone. What is said in your dash? What did you accomplish in your life? I don't think it was a Christian author, so I don't know if he/she mentioned, this... but what did you do for the Lord?

This is my Grandma Stoller. She turned 88 today. Eighty-eight years. She has seen so many things happen in her life. Lost her dad when she was 8 years old and 2005 marked 30 years of being without my grandpa. She's experienced so much heartache, but also so many times of joy. She is an amazing woman of faith and I have so much respect and love for my grandma. She became a Christian at age 13 and they asked her in the baptism waters if she thought she could be faithful to the Lord until she was 80 years old. She's done that and then some. My uncle asked her tonight if she ever thought she'd live to be 88 years old. She said, "I didn't think I'd make it past 80."

My grandma has been a very special part of my life. Countless nights spent at her house listening to stories of the farm or when she moved to Chicago to work. Countless mornings eating pancakes, solving the world's problems. :) I love sitting with her in afternoon church, singing with her and holding her hand. There's something neat about sitting with someone who can't read the words anymore, but can sing all the hymns because she knows them by heart.

Her dash is filled with memories of loved ones, times when she opened her heart and her home to people. I pray that I can be a woman of God like she has been and continues to be. That I can shine Jesus to my family and friends like she has to me.

Well, I think this is enough. I didn't know I was gonna write all this about Grandma, hope I didn't bore you with details of her life. :) Let's try to remember this week to fill our dash with things that matter, things of eternal importance and remember that in a *blink* we're gone.

Lovin' you all!

Things I'll Never Understand

2006-02-19T22:10:00.000-06:00

God's love

How dryers "eat" my socks

Lines, slopes, graphs, math stuff

Why your heart loves some people and not others

Calculators

How boys think

How we see color

Why people raised in the same household turn out so different

How a phone works

How the mind can store so much information at one time about so many different things

How leaves change colors in the fall

Why babies make me feel happy inside

How a very tiny computer chip can "know" and do so much

Revelations

Why I can cry at the drop of a hat and some people rarely shed a tear

Why girls can be so cruel

How people can walk through life knowing the truth and ignore God

Why a smile makes me smile

I guess some things aren't meant for us to understand. And maybe, someday things will be revealed and we will get a glimpse of all He has for us to know.

What is something you don't understand?

Oh... not much

2006-02-09T23:38:00.000-06:00

So I found some facts. From a website. Don't know if they're true. But... I'm bored. Here they are.

During your lifetime, you'll eat about 60,000 pounds of food, that's the weight of about 6 elephants! For me... that's probably true...

In Illinois, it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets. Wondering how this one became a law

Every citizen of Kentucky is required by law to take a bath once a year. Was this a problem?

Most lipstick contains fish scales. Good thing I'm AC and would never consider wearing lipstick.

It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois. All you Urbanians... don't you fret. They will lock that monster up.

Clinophobia is the fear of beds. Definitely not a clinophobic.

Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks, otherwise it will digest itself. Speaking of mucus... I am kinda hungry.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older. Honestly... who WANTS to live that long?

The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo. Aw, poor little guy.

Love you all! Have a good one.

Winter Jam and Other Ramblings

2006-02-03T00:32:00.000-06:00

Tonight was the Winter Jam at Redbird Arena in Bloomington. It was incredible.

Krystal Meyers, Hawk Nelson, ZoeGirl, Newsong, Toby Mac, and Newsboys. My vote would have to be for Toby Mac or Newsboys. I'd never seen Toby Mac before, so that was really fun. He's incredible in concert. And Newsboys, as always... excellent.

Tonight was unlike any other concert I've ever been to. It was all about worship. I mean, the whole thing was praise. I looked around at all these fellow Christians and marveled at how there could be so many people in one room who love and want to praise the same God.

It was exactly what I needed. Satan has really been hitting me hard with the same stuff I struggled with last semester about questioning my faith and the true God. But I couldn't even think like that tonight. Not with all those people pouring their hearts out to God in song and honestly believing He heard them and loved each one. I've been asking God this semester to prove Himself to me if He was really there. He shouldn't have to prove Himself to me, but I begged Him to. And He sure did.

The Lord was praised tonight, in a way that I definitely needed to witness. I felt so blessed to be there with other Christians who loved Jesus Christ and who were not ashamed to let everyone know it.

Then me and Trace went to Steak 'n Shake and got shakes and talked. Always good to talk to Traci. Even when we don't understand eachother at all, we do. When we can't see where the other one is coming from, we understand and accept that we're different and will always be. I love you, Trace! You've seen some of the the darkest parts of my heart, and for some reason... you still love me. Thank you.

Then I came back to the apartment and talked to Ash for a long time. We always have amazing talks. She's so grounded and really knows what she believes in a way that just inspires me to really want to believe.

I sit here at my computer in awe. At how blessed I really am. My Christian family, my Christian friends, my church. The opportunity to travel and meet other believers, to attend concerts and hear musicians sing about the love of God. What did I do to deserve any of this? Nothing.

Thank You, Lord. For an amazing night. For once again proving Your faithfulness. All I have to do is ask You to prove Yourself to me, and You do. In ways I never could imagine or hope for. You just do it because You love me and You desire me for Your kingdom. Forgive my questions and doubts. Please keep drawing me back to You.
Take me, Lord. I'm Yours. In Your Name
Amen.

Melvin's Last Ride

2006-01-19T16:14:00.000-06:00

Well, this is my farewell. A farewell to a dear and beautiful friend. A friend who meant more to me than he will ever know. A friend who will live on in my heart for years to come. A friend who could never and will never be replaced. To quote Monica from 'Friends'... "It's like the end of an era!"

Melvin didn't actually break down, but it came to the point that I knew I had to let him go. I decided if I really do care about him that much, I should let him go. He really would want what's best for me. My mom was nervous when I drove him. Well, honestly, I was nervous when I drove him. If anybody is looking for a car, real cheap, let me know. But you'd have to undergo an extensive interview and I would have to be sure you would take real good care of him.

I would like to thank all of you who have extended your heartfelt sorrows to me and Melvin during this difficult time. Your words of kindness and encouragement mean more than you know. I know he appreciates all of you and all you have done. To all of you who have jump-started him, fetched gasoline for him, or picked me up when he broke down. Even if you've just ridden in him with me, those are memories neither of us will soon forget. We love you guys!

These are some last pictures we took together.

Melvin

Me in Melvin on our last day together

"Best of Friends" - Fox and the Hound

The dreaded screwdriver headed for the changing of the license plates

Changing the license plates... and trying... to be... strong
No, Melvin! No!

*sniff sniff*

I love you, Melvin!

You're always in my heart

The Weaver

2006-01-08T00:38:00.000-06:00

My life is but a weaving

between my Lord and me.

I cannot choose the colors;

He worketh steadily.

Oftimes He weaveth sorrow,

and I in foolish pride

forget He sees the upper,

and I the underside.

Not 'til the loom is silent

and the shuttles cease to fly,

shall God unroll the canvas

and explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful

in the Weaver's skillful hand,

as the threads of gold and silver

in the pattern He has planned.

Mold me and make me Lord. Break me. Weave Your plan into my life.

Arizona

2005-12-30T01:51:00.000-06:00

Hey guys. Guess where I'm at? Phoenix. :) Yay! It's warm. We wore short sleeves today and had the windows rolled down, just cuz we could!

Today the girls went shopping for wedding dresses for Natalie Knochel. (Who got engaged to Nathan Virkler on Sunday). We had tons of fun! Tried on our own, took pictures, the whole works. Then we went to Knochel's and hung out there for a while. Then to Morgan's for supper. Then to Jester's comedy club. That was really funny, many laughs.

Then we all came back to MaryAnn's where us girls are staying for the week and played Loaded Questions. All in all, it was a successful day. :)

Right now Natalie is picking up Nathan at the airport. They're meeting for the first time as engaged people. For some reason, she didn't want me, Bethany, and Amy to go with her to get him! Huh. Go figure.

And! I LOVE Phoenix. Everybody here names their cars! Just like Melvin. He would fit in so well out here. Speaking of Melvin, if anybody drives past my house this week, give Melvin a little honk for me!

Ok, I'm gonna sign off! Hope you all have a very happy New Year! Love you all!

Be My Escape

2005-12-13T15:58:00.000-06:00

I’ve given up on giving up slowly
I’m blending in so You won’t even know me
Apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention
It’s my one last shot at redemption
Cause I know to live you must give your life away

And I’ve been housing all this doubt
and insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
And that might be the death of me
And even though there’s no way of knowing
Where to go
I promise I’m going because…

I gotta get out of here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get out of here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You
I’m begging You to be my escape

I’ve given up on doing this alone now
Guess I failed and I’m ready to be shown out
You told me the way and now I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

I gotta get out of here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I gotta get out of here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You,
I’m begging You to be my escape

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self-detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what you can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave.

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt
and insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
That might be the death of me
And even though there’s no way of knowing
Where to go
I promise I’m going because…

I gotta get out of here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get out of here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You,
I’m begging You to be my escape

I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You
So were You

oh, melvin

2005-12-05T16:54:00.000-06:00

Well, I haven't posted anything in forever, so I thought I'd write about my weekend. It was pretty uneventful, except for Melving breaking down.... again. -sigh- What am I going to do with him, that little rascal? The young group girls met at te church to go shopping on Saturday afternoon for the Angel Tree at Eastland Mall. I pulled into the parking lot, up to my spot, and he died. And wouldn't turn on.

So I had to leave him there all day and all night. The next morning somebody plowed the church parking lot and created a little box of snow around him. This is him, all scared and cold without me being able to drive him. We both had a pretty rough night Saturday night away from eachother.

However, Josh and Christopher scooped sidewalks Sunday morning and left me a little happy snowman and Hi Nat on my rear window. So that made things a little better. Hopefully, Melvin will return to full working order soon.

Boxed In

My little snowman and sign from the Stoller boys

my sisters

2005-11-21T13:26:00.000-06:00

This is me and three of my favorite people in the world.

Candice, Holly, me, and Wendy

This is on our vacation this summer to Branson. We found these pictures at Aeropostale and bought them to surprise my Dad. This is one of the only times you will ever see me wear pink. But... I did it for my sisters.

Candice is 23 and married to Michael Dohman. She is the outgoing, fun, loud one of the bunch. She always wants to know what's going on in her little sisters' lives. She is steadfast in what she believes and refuses to back down, but will break it to us gently and lovingly when she knows we're wrong.

Holly is 20 and married to Will Kellenberger. I can always count on Holly to laugh with; we feed off of eachother's stupid comments. She is also the protector of the four of us. She'll defend us to the death and always stick up for her family.

Wendy is 15. She's somebody I could just hang out with and talk to all night or not say anything at all. She instantly makes people feel at ease and want to have a good time. Her carefree, fun-loving spirit attracts others to her.

I'm never bored when I'm with my sisters. I always come away having laughed or cried and sometimes both, and feeling good. Each one of them means so much to me and I don't know where I'd be without their support, their love, and all the memories we've made together. They, including my parents and brothers-in-law, are the people I probably pray for the hardest and most often for. And I know they do the same for me.

Family is the group of people who know your past, all your mistakes and short-comings. They know your imperfections and your weaknesses. Yet, they still love you regardless. They love each weed in your garden. These are my sisters.

titled

2005-11-15T15:17:00.000-06:00

After some long talks this weekend with my parents, roommates, and cousin... I've come to a conclusion. Everybody places their faith in something. I've decided to place it in Jesus Christ. My family, friends, and fellow church members have all found something in this faith that they haven't found anywhere else. And it's true, when I have been trusting in God and relying on Him, I have had peace beyond description.

It may always be something I struggle with... but I'm going to keep living each day with this faith. Jesus Christ really did save my soul and there is a God out there who loves me and who created all that is around me. When I begin to believe that, everything falls back into place. I once again am able to believe all that is said in the Bible and everything I've been taught. It's not fake anymore or make-believe.

It's terrifying to think everything I've ever been taught has been a lie. So I'm going to push that thought from my mind and live as though it's Truth. All I can do is trust. And have faith. I've been praying for God to reveal Himself to me. And He is. Each day, I'm renewed. He shouldn't have to do that for me to believe. I'm sorry my faith can be conditional at times.

I don't like the feeling of not knowing. It terrifies me beyond words... to think that there isn't a God who loves me and that there is no plan or purpose for my life. Why would I choose to live my life that way?

Point of Grace's "I Choose You" says:
If everybody's worshipping something
I choose You.

Lord, forgive my doubting and strengthen my faith. I come to You with a broken spirit, hoping to be renewed. Reveal Yourself to me and help me remember what I'm living my life for. Give me the strength to know and understand You in the moments when I have no idea what's going on and I can't find a reason that I'm here. If we're going to do this together, please help me out down here and let me know You're really there. I love You and I need You. In Your name,
Amen.

untitled

2005-11-11T00:18:00.000-06:00

Today was a test of faith. I left school today after another encounter with my Buddhist classmate and called my mom immediately. She wasn't home, so I left a message on my house phone. It went something like this:

Me: Mom or Dad, can one of you do me a favor? Can you just call me up and tell me that my faith is real? That everything I've ever been taught is truth? Can you remind me that Jesus Christ is the only way to heaven and that He is my Savior? Can you tell me there is a heaven where I'll spend eternity? Can you tell me that it's not all a joke? We're living our lives how we are for a reason. Just call me and encourage me and tell me the truth. I'm not renouncing my Christianity or anything, just call me. Thanks. Love you. Bye.

And ya know what? I know all this stuff. I know what I know. I just have these freaky times where I am like, Woah! Is this all for real? But then all it usually takes is a look outside my car window at the trees or thinking of a new-born baby, and my faith is renewed. Or a call from Mom telling me exactly what I need to hear.

It's funny because one day I want to go out and tell the whole world about Jesus and how He saved me from eternal destruction, and the next day... I am wondering if the Bible is even for real or if it's just a bunch of stories we've all been tricked into believing.

Do you guys ever struggle like this with your faith? I just want to know I'm not alone and that everybody wonders about God. It's something I've always had a problem with. I'm too much of a deep thinker and freak myself out too often. I thought about this kind of stuff when I was young. I tell you what, if I wasn't a Christian, who knows what this psycho mind would be thinking and believing. OK, well, thanks guys for reading. Hope it made sense. Let me know your thoughts on this.

yay for AAA (take 2)

2005-11-03T23:40:00.000-06:00

So today when I was coming home from school, I was thinking about the talk I just had with a guy in my Lit class about Buddhism. Definitely was not thinking about the whole keys in the car thing. Locked keys in Melvin again. Whipped out the ol' cell and since my AAA card was in Mel, I didn't have the number. But then I remembered it would be in my recent call list, which it was. (nat rolls eyes at herself)

This time I had an even more pleasant talk with a lady on the phone. We laughed and joked and are pretty much life-long friends. Then a nice young man named Andy came and opened Melvin. Then I ate at Carlos O'Kelly's with Bethany. Our waiter's name was Andy, and he was really good. I like Andys today.

So... Bill's Lock and Key Service serviced me twice within three days. Very friendly people and I'd highly recommend them. And they're guaranteed to be there within 60 minutes... which they were.

yay for AAA

2005-11-01T10:37:00.000-06:00

Writing a post instead of working on my paper... bad idea... but I'm doing it anywayz...

This morning I got back from my orthodontist appointment after finding a much better way to get there without having to drive ALL AROUND Bloomington. I jumped out of of Melvin and quickly locked him up. Two steps from Mel, I turned around and grimaced. I had locked my keys inside... again.

Well, I knew the drill. I whipped out the cell and called Triple A.

AAA Lady: What is your emergency?
Me: I locked my keys in my car.
AAA Lady: Ok, m'aam, is your car running?
Me: No... (chuckle) Is my car running? No.
AAA Lady: Oh, you'd be surprised at the calls we get.
We then proceeded to share a hearty laugh.

But our joy was soon ended when she said my mom had to be present to unlock Mel (she didn't say Mel) because my card was in her name. I called Mom. She called AAA and explained.

Melvin is open after a jolly man with big glasses came and unlocked him.

The end.

My Boy

2005-10-27T14:06:00.000-05:00

(Not the best picture, but the only one I have right now)

Get it the title? Instead of My Girl? Never mind...

Anyways, this post is dedicated to my favorite inanimate object that I have. My car, Melvin. He's a '95 red Dodge Neon, and one of the closest things to my heart. We have a special relationship. Melvin can always tell when I'm having a bad day or am in a bad mood. He's the best listener ever. He listens to my long, drawn-out stories and never tells me I'm adding too many unnecessary details. He lets me cry and yell and scream at absolutely nothing. He's also the best secret-keeper I've ever met. He also, bless his heart, listens to me singing at the TOP of my lungs and doesn't even mind when I'm off-key. And if that's not a friend, I don't know what is!

Sure, he's not the most dependable car in the world. His speedometer quits working whenever he feels like it, his transmission has been replaced a couple times, and he sometimes... just stops running. But sometimes in relationships, you have to look past the flaws to see the real beauty.

I just give him a little rub on the dashboard and speak some encouraging words to him. That usually helps. I often start talking to him as soon as I see him when I come out of school, walking towards him. We greet eachother joyfully and he tells me about the mean SUV that parked next to him and I tell him about my dreadful Spanish class.

Melvin and I have been together for close to 2 1/2 years and our relationship gets deeper each day. I dread the day when we might have to part... but we try not to think about that. We just keep on rolling down this road of life togther.

Quote

2005-10-18T15:52:00.000-05:00

Oswald Chambers said, "God comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son and says, 'Enter into fellowship with Me; arise and shine.' If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart."

Third Day said the same thing with "You Are Mine."

It doesn’t take much
For my heart to break
And you have done it
For what’s seems the millionth time

Whenever I hear
Of your saving grace
And how you gave your life
In exchange for mine

Sometimes I wonder why you even love me
And why you ever chose to call me child
Then I remember
It’s by your sacrifice
I can say that
I am yours and you are mine

It doesn’t take much
For me to shed a tear
And you have done so many things
To make me cry
Whenever I think
Of all that I’ve done wrong
And everything that you have done
To make it right

It doesn’t take much
For my heart to break
And you have done it
For what’s seems the millionth time

It terrifies me to ask God to break my heart. But I think that's a sacrifice we're called to make. If anybody knows what heartbreak is like, it's God. Do I have such little faith that I don't think He'd be able to help me through it? What the world now calls love has put such a negative tone to the word heartbreak. But as for me, I think I could definitely use some of God's heartbreak.

I hope this made sense... I'm in one of those, I make sense to myself, but maybe not to anyone else kind of moods. Anywayz... love you all. Keep shining bright!

For Today

2005-10-13T15:23:00.000-05:00

Songs that break my heart but I love:

- "Butterfly Kisses" - Bob Carlisle
- "When You Love Someone" - Bryan Adams
- "He's My Son" - Mark Schultz
- "Nobody Knows it but Me" - Babyface
- "Best of Friends" - Fox and Hound Soundtrack
- "Canon in D" - Pachelbel
- "Concrete Angel" - Martina McBride
- "More Than You'll Ever Know" - Watermark
- "Priceless" - Copeland
- "You're the only Little Girl" - Steve and Annie Chapman
- "If I'm Not in Love" - Faith Hill
- "My Immortal" - Evanessence
- "Wonderful" - Everclear
- "We're So Far Away" - Mae

I'm just in a mellow mood today and thought I'd make a list of songs that just make me... sad and mellow. I love these kind of songs. Do you have any favorites?

Thankful

2005-10-06T00:18:00.000-05:00

Things I'm thankful for:
1) Salvation and the opportunity to live in heaven for all of eternity
2) My amazing family who loves me unconditionally and supports me no matter what
3) The blessing to be born into a Christian family in a country where we are free to serve Jesus Christ openly
4) My friends who point me to Jesus and enrich my life
5) The opportunity to go to school and gain knowledge about the world around me

OK, now some not so serious ones...
1) Popcorn and lemonade, which always have a way of putting a smile on my face. Even just the mention of them
2) Music, how so much can be said within three or four minutes of time, even if it's just through an instrument
3) Laughter, it has a way of making everything bad disappear, at least for a while.
4) Elephants, their massiveness astounds me. I find them beautiful.
5) Stocking Hats, the way they cozily fit around my ears

What are you thankful for? I challenge you today to find a blessing in each area of your life. Thank Him even if you're having a bad day. Obviously He trusts you enough to give you a rough day because you know He won't give you anything you can't handle. Take joy and comfort in that!

Smile at the kid in the stroller in the store and say a prayer for them. One day they could be running the country or saving your life. Smile at the cashier who hands you your change. You may be the cheerful spirit they've been waiting on all day. Smile at the flowers in the yard of someone near you. Those flowers were carefully created by the hands of God.

Find joy in the simplest pleasures. They're here for our enjoyment.

Prayer Request

2005-09-29T13:38:00.000-05:00

Prayer Request for ya'll. Today I sat down in the computer lab and a kid in my Spanish class (where we had just come from) sat down next to me. Sidenote: He's basically brilliant and is Japanese. He now speaks Spanish, English, and Japanese. He deserves a huge high-five from me! Anyways, somehow we got on the topic of Church. He said he thinks he's atheist, but he really respects and admires people who go to church and have faith in something. He said he's a very practical person and can't believe in what he can't see. He said he'd be interested in going to church though. So I asked him if he wanted to come to church with me this Sunday. He said yes!
So, hopefully it works out that he can come. If any of you are in church on Sunday and see him, please make an effort to talk to him. He's a really neat guy and obviously is confused spiritually. Pray that I'll know what to say to him and that he'll have an open and willing heart if he comes on Sunday. Thanks guys!

left speechless

2005-09-24T00:20:00.000-05:00

Guess who came to my house tonight? Justin Wiegand. Yes, the Justin Wiegand from Denver. The Justin Wiegand who broke his back. The Justin Wiegand that they said wasn't supposed to survive his fall. The Justin Wiegand who they said may never walk again. That Justin Wiegand walked... walked into my house tonight. He still had his brace and Canadian crutches, but he walked into my house.

God is so incredible. Justin has been such a faith-strengthening person for me to watch. He has completely relied on God and he has consistently given all the credit to God. I don't know how many times I've heard him tell me, "It's not me. It's all God." He would want me to tell you all thank you for all the prayers and everything. I just sat there in amazement. He sat there and talked to me! He's home! And he's recovering! He's walking and he's still Justin. Still the same fun-loving guy. I just can't help but smile when I think of God's power and how He worked in Justin's life and all those around him. If you want to see Justin smile, ask him about the people he met out at Craig Hospital. Sounds like he made some amazing relationships. Especially with Denver church. Joel Leman, for one, (Caleb Leman's brother) obviously had a huge impact.

Lord, Thank You, for bringing him back home in the condition he's in. You deserve all the glory, honor, and praise. Thank You for all the relationships he and his mom made while in Colorado. Continue to work in those lives out there and draw them close to You. I love You, and lift up Your name. Amen.

just some thoughts

2005-09-22T16:05:00.000-05:00

Well, my Intro to Lit class is doing to me what I've always wanted to happen to me. To stimulate my thoughts. To provoke me to think beyond what I know. Little did I know it would scare me half to death. There are two guys in my class which seem to know something about... everything. One in particular who sounds so extremely intelligent in everything that comes out of his mouth. I just sit there with my mouth open and he just pours out this knowledge. I find myself being fascinated. I marvel at all the knowledge in the world. I don't consider myself a very smart person. School has never been a very high priority to me. Relationships have always come first, which has honestly really affected my grades in the past. I find myself wanting to know many things about numerous topics, but I also don't have the desire to throw myself into studying and research and staying up to date on current events such as politics or world issues. I would much rather just sit down and have a heart-to-heart with one of the people that do that. I want to know their background, the experiences they've been through, their past, and their hopeful future. I watch people and I analyze people until they pretty much can't be analyzed anymore. This has often become a detriment because I find myself forming opinions and judging them before I really know them. I tell myself to never trust first impressions because they're often extremely far off.
And when it comes down to it... all the knowledge in the world isn't going to stand. It won't save you, it won't affect your personal relationship with Jesus Christ, which is all that really matters, right? Even my investment in relationships won't last forever. On Judgment Day, when all is said and done, all that matters is me and Jesus. Did I live for Him? Did I try to bring others to know Him? Or did I spend my life wishing I was like someone else? Wishing I looked different, thought different, acted different. There's so much more to life than I feel like I've ever been exposed to. And so much I won't experience in my short life here on earth. But, I don't have to worry about that. That's why we were all created differently. God didn't want us all to be clones. And as much as I wish I could change my personality sometimes, He made me how I am for some reason. And it's for His glory. He doesn't make mistakes. He made me just how I am to glorify His kingdom. That's it. What an amazing thought.
OK, I apologize for all the rambling. This entry was more for me than anyone else reading. There is so much going on inside my head right now and I always find a pen or keyboard can help me organize it a little bit better. Hope it made sense.
Keep looking up! <><

my new favorite person

2005-09-20T14:54:00.000-05:00

Well, it's official. Today Luke Knapp is my favorite person in the world. He patiently helped me set up my blog while I was practically screaming at him over MSN. Luke, if you were here I'd give you a high five and your favorite candy.

so... how do i do this?

2005-09-20T13:45:00.000-05:00

Well... it's not like I was 'against' blogging, I just thought Natalie, that's just one more thing you can get addicted to. More wasting of your time. But then I thought, hey, I want to be able to communicate with my friends! Leave me alone! It was quite the fiasco inside my head, let me tell you. But, as you can see, one of the Natalies must always win. So, here's my blog.